This is a long and boring entry, if you don't have the patience to read, then just leave it, writing blog doesnt mean you need people to read or comment, its just a note of my feeling at that particular moment... That's all...

Went out to find him, as he ask to... Acting awkward since this morning, after knowing we can't do anything without money. Saw the watch he intended to buy, its a fake one, differentiate by its spelling, so i told him not worth it to buy... Then he bought one watch for his sis's friend (she asked him to) and another one for his bro... After that, we headed outside for his lunch, on the way he remember that once i said, today has a movie start showing, he wanted to go watch the movie, but then i remind him that i have class today and he needs to rest, nevertheless, he dont have much money to spend left. I rejected him, although my heart tried to convinced me to go for it, I don't want him to suffer for the next 3 weeks. But later, he wanted to go find another present for me, i told him why don't he keep the money and celebrate my birthday with me, instead of spending on present and later on no money to celebrate. He say he will have money afterall... But i just keep walking outside. He asked me what do i want to eat, i told him i eat already, although i just eat quite early but im not hungry and i don't feel like eating, and i want him to eat more... I think he sense something is wrong but i don't know what is he thinking about it. He asked me what i wan to do on next tuesday, i say, just come to my house will do... (very stupid right???) before this i teased him bout the genting trip, i say nvm, just wait for another year will do, already waited for 1 year so no harm waiting for another... Hehe... Then he ask me suddenly where did i want to go, he will sure bring me. But i know, i won't let him do that. He remembered that i wanted to borrow some novels to pass my time, but in the end, we didnt go, maybe not today... On the way to the carpark, his buddy called, but too late for him to pick up, so he used my hp to call him back, i told him i will call, and i asked his buddy why he look for him, but he took the phone back from me. I know they plan to go cyber again so i looked at him and he looked at me, trying to act nothing... Then he told his buddy later only talk about this... When he ended the call, i told him, so boss, now going to cyber is it? he say no.. going home, i say, means cyber. He say he is not going... But somewhere in my heart, i know he will go, not now, but later... he slept through out the journey to his house, and we hugged, and i told him, just go have fun if he wants (am i spoiling him???) Then i went off... But then he called, say he left the watches... So i went back and give him... He wanted me to stay for awhile, so i did... He found out that i wasn't too happy bout something, he try to ask, but i just pretend there is nothing happened, then his buddy and his bro are back, then i say i shall go, and i told him he can go play, but must inform me, cause i will be worried... Then i went home, didn't dare to message him cause he is sleeping and i took a nap, but woke up by the rain... Haih... Misses him alot, and wanted to go have fun alot, but i don't want him to use up his money because i wanted to have fun and he suffer for next month when college starts... So, im not going to spent his money alot, no matter how deep i wanted to do something. He even asked me to follow the classmates to penang where he will sponsor me the money... I rejected him and ask, why you want to spent money on me to let me have fun with other people? i told him i rather him to save the money and bring me to somewhere... Haih... I don't know what am i doing is correct or wrong, is it stupid or not, but i just don't want him to suffer so much for his new semester and he is moving out already, needs to use more money... Hopefully he knows what am i thinking...

To you:
Sorry dear, i didnt mean to reject you all the way, just that, don't want u to spend so much money on me and then you suffer your self.... I just want you to be at my side, what ever we do does not matter. With you, i feel save and warm... That is i want the most...