Ah!!!! Pain... Ulcer all over my mouth.. I have 3 of them... haih... Having trouble talking and smiling today... Amanda commented no wonder im so ladylike today... lol... haih... sad... Suffering the pain.. Drinking alot of water and going toilet very frequently... hope it get better tomorrow...

Tomorrow have to go to bring the car that i knock to repair.. haih.. Sian... why la she come back... I thought she disappear dy... Haha... anyway... my mom going with me.. Don't know will do till wat time le... haih... Sian Sian Sian...

He say he bought another t-shirt for me and plus 2 pens... He remember every word that i say... Im very touch... He is the right guy for me, but... Am i the right gal for him??? I feel guilty... I seldom accompanied him since college starts.. I've been busy, am i giving excuses or am i that busy? I'm not sure now... But one thing i know is... I love him... But i feel bad... haih... Why do i need to be in this situation? I want a break.. Even today want to hang out with classmates also end up rushing back college to meet lecturer... Haih... Tired.... How long can i stand this?

Shopping!!!! Muahaha... At last, i did some of my CNY shopping at Sungai Wang... lol... Ya, just some of it... Haha... I bougth 6 tops today, only top... And i notice one thing, I didnt feel bored from shopping today... Thats something new to me, maybe because i get to buy something or maybe its because i got him with me to do the shopping... Haha... But i had period pain when i was there.... Lucky got him with me... haha... Anyway, Im happy... hehe...

Later on will be quite busy for me, the grapevine thing, and the assignments... Haha... have to set some date line dy.. haha...

Let see,
1) FnB with Yiye, get the info by 2 weeks time and start doing the report... and finish by end of March... (Possible???)
2) HK with Amanda, Yiye, and Angela... Have to discuss with them on tuesday, if possible and then start doing it... Same, have to finish it at March...
3) Tourism with Nanie, Myke and Yane, still don't know what we gonna do... haih...
4) Do we have assignment for BC003? hope we dun have...

Haih.. Alot to do.. haha... nevermind la, should be alright...

My 'lao poh' wrote a blog... It makes me think of my past.. I did the similar thing before... and i waited for a month... In the end, i choose to let go... Its not i don't love him anymore... its just you don't know how to continue the relationship anymore... You have tried so hard and hard till an extend, you will think, how come you are the only one that care bout this relationship? And in the end, you feel exhausted and tired... And i choose to let go... it hurts, indeed, it hurts... it took me more than 2 weeks to stop crying at night and took me more than 1 month to forget the hateness in my heart... I was a bitch that time... I realise it when i really let it go... But, although it hurts, it still make you grow up... It makes you understand that what you really want... And you can only learn from your mistakes by making mistakes... If there is no mistakes, how to learn from it? So do not fear to get hurt or fall, just believe in your heart that you will live a better live ahead... Let go for now doesnt mean you will lose him... He will be yours if he is the right person... Take me for an example, i get back to my ex, because when i get in touch with him again, i realise that, my heart beats for him again, i thought i have no more feeling for him but as time pass by, the feeling came back and this time, i decide not to let him go again.. Although he has a gf that time, but i still be there for him... I even help him to talk to his gf and make them understand each other more... They end up break up, and i started with him after for quite some time... Even now, i will still wonder am i the cause for their break up... But love its like that.. When he want to come, he is here, but when he is gone, you cant even catch him... So, just don't regret anything you did.. Have faith in you that you will have a better tomorrow... Cheer up gal...

Its 1.45 am now.. How come im not in bed? I can't sleep, maybe because i took a nap or maybe i just don't want to sleep... Been thinking what i did today... Later morning he suppose to come over to my house and spent time with me... But i'm not really sure i want him to come or not... If he come, he will get bored, definitely, because theres nothing to do with me... If he don't come, i am sure i will feel sad... I discussed with him on this matter, he commented : "What do you want? I don't know how to make you happy... I got no mood to chat already..." It end up like this... Haih... Why am i always doing things that will make him unhappy? How come i just can't tell him what i want? Actually, what do i want? And can he give me what i want? Can he answer all my doubts? Can he be patient and listen to me and understand how i feel? Can he stand at my side and stop saying that im wrong? Or, actually it all happen because of me? It really hurts when he say he don't know how to make me happy, and it hurt more when he say he got no mood to chat... I just don't know how to reply to him anymore... What should i do so that he understand and i won't hurt him, and myself? Want to cry again... Is the shoulder going to be here in the morning? Is he still want to come over now? I really want to hug him... A very tight tight hug... Sorry... When will i learn? When will i think about the consequences 1st before i do things? And why am i always end up saying sorry? Why can't i learn from my mistakes? Why am i so childish? Why am i always giving him a hard time? Why......???

Heart ache... This week ended quite badly as im so so so god damn unlucky today... Kena bullied by classmates (not in playing around, is really bully), still hurts when i think of it... Then knock peoples car and then need to pay for that... It didnt end it here, i continue to quarrel with my boyfriend.. Ya, im quarrelled with him, it will be my fault if i tell you why we quarrel, it has been always my fault... Im too 'manja' , asking too much, very narrow hearted, and lots more.. What ever it happen, all this words will come out from his mouth (or shall i say message?)...Anyone want to add in? Please do while i still can stand this... Don't hurt me again when i've recovered from my previous one.. It will be very painfull... If you tell now, at least im just having more pain but i was in pain already... So i wont make much difference... Anyway... No mood to chat now, even didn't go online...

Almost a week i didnt blog... Been very busy, right after the announcing of grapevine, i am off to work... Trying to pick up those responsibilities, and always remind myself on what i need to do and what else i should do... Have not been really stay at home and relax for 3 days, come back from college then i rush to my japanese class, there are replacement classes on Monday and Tuesday. Then, been sleeping only at 1 o'clock midnight and still have to solve some problems on studies... Done the Housekeeping presentation today, supposingly assignments should be given out today, but sadly, not enough time... Haih... I want to get those things done before April, hopefully everything will go fine... And, i might be having problems on communication with my groupmates as i will be very busy... Hmm.... Anyway, praying hard so that i will be able to finish my part in time and would not drag down my groupmates marks... Well, besides works, im missing him alot too... Talking to him through the phone yesterday midnight, and just now too... He quickly chase me off cause he say its expensive (I made the call)... Anyway, today was our 6 months anniversary (from the day we get back together)... We talk bout this yesterday night, but he say shouldn't we count from the day we are together? which is 4 years ago? Well, im not so sure bout it, but im glad that he thought about this things... But i guess he had forgotten when and perhaps where we started and how... And also, when did we break up and when we get back together... Nevermind, mostly are the girls that will remember all this tiny little things that might not mean anything to the boys, but for girls (me), i would like to remember... As a memory... :)


P.S: Was typing a blog just now, but is abit pissed off and the blog is not very friendly, so decide not to publish (it's now in my draft), so that no one will get hurt... Anyway, i guess im not that pissed off as i still can think rationally... haha...

Feeling sad... Feeling sorry of what i did today... Sorry guys... Will control my temper now... I also don't know why i lose it... Haih... Don't know how to explain, and no point explaining now, what happen is already happened... Any other words will just make people feel that im faking it... So... Just let it be and control myself... Not a good start for the year... Haih... Hopefully it goes on well...

What!!!!! Is this decision bad or good??? Hmm... wondering... But one thing im sure is i will be busy, very very busy... Haih... Why me??? And now everyone start to call me the president.... haih... President... A very stressful position. Can i cope? Can i manage this job well with all other homework, assignment and other things? All i can say now is i will try not to skip class, and i will use up my free time to manage my studies... No more hanging around in college and wondering what to do next... haih... Have to manage time properly... Must be good and precise... haih... again... haha... Old lady wining all the way... Worrying bout my relationship also. Not only my bf, with my friends also... All this while, everyone is clearly knowing that in their heart, how far do they like me and dislike me... And as for my bf, really confuse of my feelings... Get fedup easily... Is that a sign of me not loving him as much as i do? I need advice... haih... Well... I can only hope that everything goes on well and what ever i do or any decision i make i wont be hurting others as well as my self... god Bless Me.....

Feeling very bored... Nothing to do... Wondering what will happen for the coming week.. It might be my most important week of the whole 3 years... Hmm... Bf moving out... Starting new semester... Learning new subject... Meeting few new lecturers... Feeling abit excited and abit of down... Hmm... very confusing right? haha... Feeling down is because he is moving out... No more meeting him anything i want... So sad... But its also a small test for us... I think we can come over it... hehe... Having faith for him... Just hope he take care himself and study hard... I guess i will be busy too... I myself have things to take care also... haha... Hope everything will be find and be good for us...

Back to college for briefing yesterday... Went there early and meet Yun after i park my car.... On the way coming in saw Mr Teo, greeted him and turn around saw Poh Yoke behind us... Haha... Went to the brand new cafeteria-KDU Square (new name) to wait for the others... Its only 8am in the morning... We chatted through out the waiting process and then one by one, my classmates came and join us... At last, its 9, but as usual, everyone else is late.. haha... So we stay there and chat... Around 9.20, our AA come and look for us, so we all go the Cafe 87 to gather and wait for the briefing... Got our time table, having long break time in between and our AA warn us about our studies that it is much harder compare to our last sem... True, as we don't have practical to cover up our marks anymore... This sem, its more on reading, understanding, pouring out and assignmenting... Then we re-elec our class rep. Not such of elec anyway, is a decision... Haha... I suggested Chris to become the class rep, as she was the asst of it, she say she don't mind but wants a asst. Then our AA decide that i will asst her and become the treasurer as well... Haha... Haih... Then, our AA anounce one shocking news to us... She say is an excited news... Hmm.. To me, is not excited, is SHOCKING... She told us that im selected as a candidate of the election of the President post of Grapevine... That was SHOCKING!!!! How in hell that im choosen? As for the past, im not so into the society, im just a normal member... I wanted to be active, but all those assignments and things that im going through, i choose not to take more responsibility as im not sure i can cope it or not... But this sem, haven even started yet, already give me some pressure... Haih... Anyway... If im selected, i can only say, that's my fate and i will try my best to perform... I know the lecturers that know me is wanting me to become the president... Pn Farinda has said more that once that she wants me to run for it... Im feeling scare after she say that.. Haha... Don't know why, i didnt feel happy nor others, just feel like my heart has a big hole inside and something is sucking the hole.... hmm... don't really know to describe my feelings but well, just do my best...

There is another thought that come across my mind while my classmates all cheer for me, how many of them are really wishing from the bottom of their heart so that i get the possition.. Yeiks... Those who are reading, you can disagree with my thought as some will say im 小人之心 but God knows, human beings are not very trustworthy... And i just knew them for half a year only.... Who knows what are they really thinking afterall... But anyway... Whether is true or faking, thanks to all those people that congrats me and said will support me... No hard feelings that i voice out my thought... Maybe im just thinking too much... Haih... Being a sagittarius, is hard to not to think... haha... Anyway... Sorry if i hurt anyone of your feelings and its just my thought, if you are not what i say, then prove me wrong... :) Its easy to convince me you know??? :P

He is moving out... Confirm... But i don't know when and how... As usual, for my personality, i will always want to get all the things ready before hand... But he is not like this... I want to get all the things ready for him and make sure that he will be happy over there and stay comfortable there... But he like 'acuh tak acuh', I feel hard to communicate with him... And he now is still at cyber... Accompaning his mistress - computer... haih... All i can do now is wait and wait and wait... haha...

Hmm... New sem starting soon... A bit excited on it as it is quite different from the previous one... New lecturers with new lectures... New subjects with more effort... New time management with better skill... New groupmates with new group assignment... New problems with old attitudes (or maybe not)... And maybe old pals with new personality... Haha... Anyway... its another brand new start.. And i fully hoped everything will go on smoothly and i will work hard to achive my goals... :-)

Sore throat!!! Throat infection!!! These 2 has been killing me for 2 nights, i've been awake by this 2 sickness for several times. Now it even attack me when im not asleep... Sem starts soon, and im sick!!! how could that be??? Haih... Can only drink more water and rest more and hope it recover soon... haha...

Been thinking for quite some time then only i realize actually im thinking too much... That's nothing to think about... I think... Woke up this morning, try to be as normal as i can, called him, no answer; call again, no answer... This makes me worry... I feel scare that he might still angry of what i say yesterday or he don't care bout me any more... Then i think twice he might be busy playing game and didnt realize it is a call... So i call again for few times, and message him too... But, no reply as well... That freak me out... I get up and went to my bro's room to go online and check whether he is playing or not, but he is not playing in the game... That make me more worry... So, finally, come to the final action, i choose to call him bro... Luckily his bro pick up and i get to talk to him... He is at home and his tone sounded a bit down... But at last i found him... I wanted to talk to him, but he don't seem very up to it... At last, i break down... But get over quite soon, as he went out with friends to play badminton... haih.. And i went out with my friends too... It went on quite well... I know i hurt him... Im trying to change... Trying to think twice before i act... And trying to be the old me instead of being some other people that i can't explain my act.... Hope i can do it... And hope i wont do anything wrong to hurt him again...


To dear:
Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Give me some time ok??? SORRY......

I feel weird... Don't know why... I feel guilty, feel sad and lost... Im confused now, i know i love him, but how to explain all my actions and attitude for the past week? I rejected him alot... Not intentionally but how come i reject him? If i still love him, i wouldnt reject him right? I cant find the feeling... I feel very scared... I want to tell him but i don't know how... I need an answer... I feel guilty for all my attitude towards him... but how come i still act like this? there is something wrong with me... Or is my love towards him faded? Who can tell me why am i acting this way??
What's wrong with me???

Happy New Year!!! Haha... Went to Sg Wang to countdown last night... Was having period (1st day), quite weak, but i try my best to walk... Haha... Around 4.30, i went to his house and waited for him. Then we take LRT to Time Square and eat dinner with friends. Then his bro suggested they go check whether can buy any movie ticket, but unfortunately, all tickets are sold out... haha... Then we hang out around time square till 10 something, waiting for my friend to finish work then we head down to Jln Bukit Bintang, to meet some other friends... Noticed alot of police is on duty, they control on the snow spray selling... Even those people that buy they also seize the snow spray. This make us all don't dare to buy and play. But later on when we really decided to buy, its almost 12 and its out of stock.. haha... We walk for one end of Jalan Bukit Bintang to the other end of it, in the middle is the most crowded and craziest spot. People will just spray you without knowing you and its quite fun but you have to be carefull for not to lose your friends.. haha... Enjoyed... Then when we walked till the other end which is lesser ppl, we just stand there and rest, haha... Waited it to strike 12 and watch the fireworks that shoot above our head... it was beautiful... hehe... With him hugging me and i feel im the happiest girl in the world... After a 5 minutes fireworks, we walk back to the car park and get ready to go home. They send me home 1st, with dear accompany me go up to my house, wanted to kiss him goodbye but i didnt ask for it, hmm.... A bit regret bout that. Bathed and chatted with him for a while and we went to bed... haha... A special day for me... With different meaning from the previous year... Hope we will have more years ahead of us... haha...

This morning, recieved his msg saying he reach the football field, he is playing with our secondary school friends... Later on, my best friend, chiung call and ask want to go jogging or not, as we said so earlier on but cancel cause his football also cancelled. So, both of us went and meet the boys near my secondary school. Meet alot of ex-classmates and chatted for a while... haha... Then we went for lunch and went home... Quite tiring, cause didnt have enough good sleep and not feeling well again and plus, not enough blood... haha... So... will stop here, want to have a nap or maybe will watch movie 1st... haha... Tchuss... Happy 2007...